Mommy Mercy

Last night I was praying and journaling. My heart was on my seven year old: Camden. I was admitting to the Lord and myself what a bad habit I have developed of not really listening when he talks. I refused to push it to the back of my mind and really, really thought about all of the times he talks to me and I distractedly say, "uh-huh" or sometimes not even that, while I continue whatever I am doing. I was slapped with what that must be doing to his little spirit. He loves me. He wants to share with me what is going on in that amazing brain of his and I am "screaming" I don't care with my more than obvious lack of interest. I begged the Lord's forgiveness and asked Him to please heal the wounds that I have caused. Please, Lord fill him with your love and acceptance where I have failed him. As I closed my journal, my heart was heavy with remorse. I picked up my Bible, but then remembered that I had already read it that day so I started to put it back down. At the last second, I thought, well since I have it in my hand, I'll just let it fall open and read a few verses wherever it opens.

The Bible opened to the last page of Hosea. Here are the first two sentences that were on the page...

"He will flourish like the grain. He will blossom like a vine, and his fame will be like the wine of Lebanon."

In my heart, I feel at Jesus' feet. "Thank you, my merciful Savior. You will take care of my little guy. He will flourish. He will blossom, and He will do all the amazing things you have called him to."

I flipped to the page before to read the whole chapter and saw that the chapter was titled, "Repentance to bring Blessing."  How perfectly appropriate. How perfectly God.

Changes

I am trying to make some changes in myself these days. I came to the conclusion after a week of reflection that I was stuck in a rut. I had become lazy. Any part of my days that didn't go perfectly smooth made me feel deflated...tired.....ready for the next break. I came upon a blog on Saturday as I was looking for something to inspire me, to jump start me that did exactly those things.

I was remembering today a night in my dorm room at East Texas Baptist University. I was finishing up my freshmen year and had just received a letter that the grants I currently had, would not continue the following year. It was such a weird feeling sitting on the floor of my dorm room and realizing that I would not be able to afford to come back; hence my life plan sprouted wings and flew out the window. Yet, completely opposite of my personality, I felt an excitement rise up in me. I sat down at my roomate's computer and looked up the website of a Bible school that I had been hearing about from a friend for years. As I read over their website my heart literally began to beat faster and my hands started to shake. This school that I had heard about for years and never thought much about suddenly seemed like a huge "stop here" sign in the road map of my life. I did indeed "stop there" for three years of my life and I never doubted for a second that it was God's plan for me.

Jumping back to the present...as I read through this blog that I found on Saturday, I felt similar to how I felt the night I looked up Christ for the Nations Institute in my dorm room. A stirring from God that I was looking at my destiny. The author of this blog is a wife, a homeschool mom of seven, an incredible  photographer, amazingly creative, a take your breath away writer, and a passionate lover of God.  Seriously I don't ever want to meet her because she is my hero and I don't want to be disappointed! I read her thoughts and looked at her photos and was floored by the way she embraces her life and her family. Every day is an adventure, beauty is everywhere, hardships are opportunities, your kids are incredible treasures, and the day to day love affair with your husband puts the world's view of romance to great shame. I lay in my bed well after midnight surrendering to the Lord my life once again. I prayed and meditated on His word and listened to His nudging.  His nudging to listen more to my little boy, His nudging to serve my husband with joy, His nudging to have fun, His nudging to get rid of things in my life that have no meaning or purpose, His nudging to play in the rain, laugh at spilled milk, find my own style in my house, my clothes, my mothering, my "wife-ing", my teaching, my be-friending and forget about how it compares to anyone else. I want to be ME!!  I always thought I was being me, but its like God just came in dug a little, tossed a few things over his shoulder and then threw open a door and showed me a bunch more of me that I didn't know was there. Potential hidden by fear and insecurity. Potential hidden by laziness. Potential hidden by lack of faith. But I saw it - I saw a glimpse of the me that God wants me free to be. And I have faith that if God showed me - if He started it - He if faithful to complete it.


"being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  Philippians 1:6



I am going to work harder, play harder, laugh harder, love more expressively, pray more, and be crazy every once in awhile because this life is a gift, these two amazing kids are my miracles, and my husband is stinkin' adorable.

Strawberry Pie

Today we had a birthday luncheon for our church secretary Mrs. Corinne. It was an only-ladies party and we had such a fun time. Our associate pastor's wife made a super yummy lunch! I was supposed to bring a dessert that had something to do with strawberries. I immediately knew I wanted to make strawberry pie. My grandma made this for us when I was in high school and I loved it. I made it for the first time when my in-laws came for their first visit after Blake and I were married. Instead of condensed milk...I used evaporated milk and it didn't set. My father law and mother in law sweetly sipped their strawberry "soup" from a bowl with a spoon and told me that they still thought it was delicious. Thankfully, today it set quite well! I posted the recipe for any of my numerous readers who would like to try ;) Don't forget... CONDENSED milk!!

Ingredients:

2 - 3oz. pkgs. of strawberry jello
2 1/2 cups of hot water
16 oz. frozen strawberries
8 oz. cream cheese
1 1/4 cup sugar
1 - 13 oz. can of condensed milk
2 10 inch deep dish graham cracker crust pie shells

Directions:

Dissolve Jello in hot water. Let it cool slightly then pour it into a blender with the frozen strawberries and blend until smooth. In another bowl, mix cream cheese and sugar. Add the condensed milk and mix. Stir in jello mix and pour into pie shells. Let set in fridge for several hours. Add sliced strawberries and cool whip to each piece before serving.

Hope this makes sense!

Curious and Shy

My family has gone bird crazy. We started studying them in science and because we have such a wide variety of birds here in the valley, I decided to go all out and buy bird feeders and go looking for as many birds as we could find in the area. The kids are like little bird geniuses. I love to hear Hope hollar out, "Hey, Mama, come look at the titmouse in our backyard" and hear Camden yell, "I hear parrots!" and start searching the trees and sky for them in the middle of soccer practice. They sound like such little homeschool geeks and I LOVE it! Never thought I'd say that!! It has inspired me to make learning more hands-on in other subjects. I'm praying for God to help me find a way to inspire such excitement for spelling words!

We have two ducks that have started coming to our backyard to join the other birds at our bird feeder. They look so awkward out there among all the other birds a quarter of their size. They peck at what has fallen on the ground and when its gone they flap up to the bird feeder and cock it sideways until it tips some seeds out. It is a bit annoying because we have to go out there several times a day to fix it. They're so darn cute though that we really don't mind. This past Thursday the kids and I got home from running errands to find the bird feeder had been knocked off the tree and was laying on the ground and completely empty of birdseed. I asked the kids, "What do you think did that?" I went outside to fix it and hang it back up and then turned to go back inside and up on the roof of my house I saw this:



They were standing completely still like statues up there and we all laughed imagining them saying, "Maybe if we stand real still she won't catch us."

This afternoon we had a big storm. After it passed our little friends named Curious and Shy were using the water puddles as their own personal pond.







I wonder if we can talk these two into moving to Olmito with us?

well, thank you!

Last night at our youth girls' lifegroup we were eating snacks and talking about exercising/eating healthy/losing weight. I mentioned that I would like to be 10 pounds lighter and one of the girls gasped and said, "But you're such a pretty mom. I would like totally take you to the mall with me." I'm pretty sure that I was paid a high compliment and it is still making me chuckle today.

Promoting the Positive

Cultivate: To promote the growth of.

I am asking myself these questions today? What am I cultivating in my life? What am I am I cultivating when it comes to my attitude? What am I cultivating in my home? What am I cultivating in my marriage? I am constantly teaching the kids to cultivate hard work, concentration, good manners, kindness, and respect. I am almost frantic at times to see them growing in these areas, yet I am realizing that I need to take a look at myself and consider what I have been cultivating lately in ME.

Cielo

I am not an independent person. I am not a dare-devil. I like feeling safe and secure. I love being with those who love me. Maybe its for these reasons that there is something wonderful awaiting for me that terrifies me....Heaven. The thought of my my husband, children, and parents not being to me then what they are to me now is incomprehensible. Trying to wrap my brain around the truth that we will be there forever and ever and ever and ever and...well you get the point... has always made my stomach hurt. Angels, and the book of life, and the great white throne judgment, and the unknown that is inevitable throws me into a whirlwind of trepidation if I allow myself to dwell on it for long. I have prayed and asked the Lord for years to change my thoughts towards Heaven. There have been times during worship where I have truly looked forward to being in His presence forever. Times where worship ends and its like being torn from the arms of a lover. If only I could stay there forever. I catch a glimpse of Heaven during those times, but it doesn't stay with me.

A couple of days ago I had a dream. I was walking by a clear, blue river. I was hearing it bubbling and flowing, splashing onto rocks. I was walking in green grass. There were hills and big trees all around me. The weather was beautiful, just perfect. I felt so completely content. It was as if my mind, emotions, and heart no matter how deeply I searched or how hard I thought could not come up with one worry, one unmet desire, or one thought that would bring me sadness or fear. I had inexpressible peace. I did not have one thought about what was ahead or what was behind. I was just living utterly in the moment enjoying my surroundings and reveling in the contentedness of my soul. As I began to wake up I heard in my heart, whether it was in my dream or in my wakefulness I don't know, but I heard just the same...."This is what Heaven will be like."

I hope and pray this dreams stays with me wooing me like a love letter from my Savior because...I believe that's what it was.