Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Moving
Blake accepted a job as worship and youth pastor in Brownsville, Texas. We are moving May 30th and his first day is June 1st. I wrote a blog below with a few more details in MANY more words!!
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
About to GO!
I was in North Central Mexico up in the mountains in a small town called Aquismon. I was there visiting missionaries with a group of 4th-12th grade girls from my church. We were staying in dorms at a Bible school set up by the missionaries. They had also set up a clinic on the same property. One morning I was sitting by myself towards the front of the property looking out at the mountains and at the line of people waiting to get inside of the clinic. Mostly poor Indian people who had traveled for hours to get there hoping that this place would be the answer to their suffering. Bare feet, dirty clothes, crying children, festering sores, looks of pain and desperation. My eleven year old eyes saw so much and my heart felt even more. I was changed in that moment. Changed forever. I felt this certainty deep within me that my destiny was somehow connected to these people. I went back two more times in the next three years. Once with my family when I was thirteen and again with the girls' group at my church when I was fourteen. I remember sitting in a hotel room back in Texas after that last trip as our leaders lead us in a time of sharing and prayer before we left for home the next morning. Most of the girls were crying and saying pretty much the same thing....."I just feel so awful that those people live in such poverty." "I am so grateful for all that we have." "I wish I could just bring all those people here to live where we do." I sat in silence trying to mask my face from showing any emotion. I was almost angry with the girls. I felt different than they did, but I had no idea how to express what I was feeling. I didn't even know for sure myself what I was thinking! All I knew as that I did NOT want to drag all those people to live in my world. I thought their world was beautiful. I thought they were beautiful. In many ways, I admired their way of life. Of course, my heart hurt for their poverty, for their sickness, for their lost souls. But I did not feel as much like they were missing out on my world not being able to come with me as I was missing out on their world leaving them. For the next four summers I did child evangelism work in my area. Along with other teenagers we did Bible clubs in neighborhoods, apartment complexes, trailer parks, and day cares. I loved it. My heart was full. About half of the places that we went were among the "lower class." The children were not usually clean, wore torn clothes that didn't fit, often had runny noses and coughs and more importantly had the biggest most beautiful smiles of anyone I've ever met. This is where I would share the Bible lessons with a passion that came from down deep in my heart. These were the places that I would leave at the end of a week with tears in my eyes and an aching heart. I knew without a doubt that my future was not the "American dream" life. I wanted to be in full time ministry. I wanted to give my time, my comfort, and and my life to pour out the love of God on those who were truly hungry for it. Our years at CFNI were just fuel for the flame. I was so stirred up. I felt ready!
After we were done at CFNI, Blake was offered the audio director position at Gateway. Blake knew we were supposed to go, but I didn't want to. Southlake.....the richest city in Texas......God...are you kidding me? This is SOOOO not what you've put in my heart. Yet, He is so wise. We have learned so much. This has been a six year character building school! Blake was 21 when we came here. He was my favorite person and had been since I was fifteen, but God was about to show me something pretty great! I have seen him meet several challenging situations while at Gateway and watched him walk through them with such humility and grace. I have seen a maturity come from within him and a strength come upon him as he's thrown himself at God when things got hard to handle. I have sat back and been amazed by him over and over. When we came to Gateway he was my partner in life but honestly I thought I was the smarter one. Now, I have a spiritual leader in my life who I trust to hear God, to be patient, to be full of mercy, to be my calm when things look crazy. This has been the greatest part of the past six years.....falling in love with the man that was the boy that I was already in love with. Besides that, though, we have been so incredibly blessed by Gateway church. It was so great to be at place that has provided for us financially and more important spiritually. We have listened to Pastor Robert with a panting spirit. We have worshiped under amazingly talented worship pastors and been under the authority of a group of elders who listen to the heart of God and obey! We are so incredibly grateful.
Last month we were invited by the elders and pastor of a church in Brownsville to come talk with them and lead worship for them. They were looking for someone to be their worship and youth pastor. Blake and I spent an unbelievable weekend visiting with the elders and their wives, the pastor, the worship team, the youth group and other leaders in the church. We felt an incredible peace the whole time we were there. It was almost surreal for me to go downtown and see the Mexico border! God, you are so incredible! For the past six years, I have wondered many times if I had dreamed up in my own head all the things I thought God had showed me as a teenager. But as I drove around this town full of Mexican people and talked with the incredible leadership at this church who are encouraging me to come along side Blake and use my gifts as well, I had to laugh out loud with an overflowing joy! God, you have not forgotten!!!!!!! I feel like I have been at the starting line for the past six years waiting on God to blow the whistle and there have been times I've gotten tired of waiting and tried to start before God and he's blown the whistle and said, "No-way girlie, its not your time yet!" And now I feel like I see him putting the whistle up to his mouth with a twinkle in his eye looking at me and saying, "Ok, its about your turn so get ready!" I have to admit, there have been a couple of times in the past few weeks that I've thought just for a minute, "Wait, maybe I like it here at the starting line. Its kind of comfy!" But then I slap myself, "What are you thinking!!" "This is what you've been waiting on." There have also been times that I have been hit with incredible doubt. What makes us think we are up to this challenge? We've never even worked with youth before. All I've done in the past six years is take care of my babies! One night as I was getting ready for bed and struggling with these thoughts I felt God told me to read 1 Corinthians 1&2. I had no idea what it said, but when I got in bed and read it my heart started beating fast and I knew these were my verses. The verses I will lean on as I move, the verses I will dwell on as I get to pour out what God has been putting in my heart these years of waiting, the verses I will not foget when I have times of victory and the verses I will chose to believe in the times I fail. I love God's Word to me. Through this experience I have been so full of emotion that I feel like I can't even hear from God when I pray, but time after time He has spoken to me through his scripture. Here is His word that I am claiming for this new adventure in our lives!
1 Corinthians 1:25-2:5
For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.
When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.
After we were done at CFNI, Blake was offered the audio director position at Gateway. Blake knew we were supposed to go, but I didn't want to. Southlake.....the richest city in Texas......God...are you kidding me? This is SOOOO not what you've put in my heart. Yet, He is so wise. We have learned so much. This has been a six year character building school! Blake was 21 when we came here. He was my favorite person and had been since I was fifteen, but God was about to show me something pretty great! I have seen him meet several challenging situations while at Gateway and watched him walk through them with such humility and grace. I have seen a maturity come from within him and a strength come upon him as he's thrown himself at God when things got hard to handle. I have sat back and been amazed by him over and over. When we came to Gateway he was my partner in life but honestly I thought I was the smarter one. Now, I have a spiritual leader in my life who I trust to hear God, to be patient, to be full of mercy, to be my calm when things look crazy. This has been the greatest part of the past six years.....falling in love with the man that was the boy that I was already in love with. Besides that, though, we have been so incredibly blessed by Gateway church. It was so great to be at place that has provided for us financially and more important spiritually. We have listened to Pastor Robert with a panting spirit. We have worshiped under amazingly talented worship pastors and been under the authority of a group of elders who listen to the heart of God and obey! We are so incredibly grateful.
Last month we were invited by the elders and pastor of a church in Brownsville to come talk with them and lead worship for them. They were looking for someone to be their worship and youth pastor. Blake and I spent an unbelievable weekend visiting with the elders and their wives, the pastor, the worship team, the youth group and other leaders in the church. We felt an incredible peace the whole time we were there. It was almost surreal for me to go downtown and see the Mexico border! God, you are so incredible! For the past six years, I have wondered many times if I had dreamed up in my own head all the things I thought God had showed me as a teenager. But as I drove around this town full of Mexican people and talked with the incredible leadership at this church who are encouraging me to come along side Blake and use my gifts as well, I had to laugh out loud with an overflowing joy! God, you have not forgotten!!!!!!! I feel like I have been at the starting line for the past six years waiting on God to blow the whistle and there have been times I've gotten tired of waiting and tried to start before God and he's blown the whistle and said, "No-way girlie, its not your time yet!" And now I feel like I see him putting the whistle up to his mouth with a twinkle in his eye looking at me and saying, "Ok, its about your turn so get ready!" I have to admit, there have been a couple of times in the past few weeks that I've thought just for a minute, "Wait, maybe I like it here at the starting line. Its kind of comfy!" But then I slap myself, "What are you thinking!!" "This is what you've been waiting on." There have also been times that I have been hit with incredible doubt. What makes us think we are up to this challenge? We've never even worked with youth before. All I've done in the past six years is take care of my babies! One night as I was getting ready for bed and struggling with these thoughts I felt God told me to read 1 Corinthians 1&2. I had no idea what it said, but when I got in bed and read it my heart started beating fast and I knew these were my verses. The verses I will lean on as I move, the verses I will dwell on as I get to pour out what God has been putting in my heart these years of waiting, the verses I will not foget when I have times of victory and the verses I will chose to believe in the times I fail. I love God's Word to me. Through this experience I have been so full of emotion that I feel like I can't even hear from God when I pray, but time after time He has spoken to me through his scripture. Here is His word that I am claiming for this new adventure in our lives!
1 Corinthians 1:25-2:5
For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.
When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.
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