UGHHH!!

On Saturday Blake and Camden were playing soccer in our living/dining room. Camden slid into the piano and he sliced his toe on one of the pedals. Blake hollered for me and when I came down and saw it, it looked like his toe was literally hanging off. Luckily my in-laws were here for the weekend and they pretty much took over. They decided that they didn't think that a Dr. would be able to sew it up because of it being on the inside of his toe. We didn't really have to worry about a scar - who cares if you have a scar on your toe? Plus we knew the whole hospital/stitches route would be very traumatic. They got the bleeding to stop, taped it shut and then taped his toe to his big toe to protect it. He cried and screamed alot - probably more from how it looked than how it felt. My father-in-law said that while he was working on it that he saw the bone. Camden has a soccer game this Saturday and we are trying to keep him calm so that it will heal by then. This picture was taken yesterday - 48 hours after it happened.





Most of the day I could tell that Hope was pretty shook up by the whole thing, but we were so wrapped up with Camden that neither of us really took the time to talk to her about it. So when I put her to bed I laid down with her and she immediately started tearing up and talking about Camden's toe. We talked about for about 5 minutes her asking questions about whether his toe was broken, whether he was hurting, if he would ever be able to walk again. I patiently answered all her questions but after awhile I started getting the feeling she was milking this so that I would stay. She was still sniffing and her lip was still quivering but I told her it was time to go to sleep now. She started crying a little harder and said, "But, But, But.....I really don't want Obama to win."

dream

The kids and I were eating breakfast this morning and I asked them if they had dreamed anything last night. Hope said, "I did, I dreamed about Daddy." I said, "What was it about?" She said, "I dreamed he went on a hunt......and a deer killed him. I saw Daddy running and then the deer chased him and ate him." I asked her, "Were you sad?" She looked at me with this appalled look and said, "Of course I was."

maturity

Several months ago, I called my mom in need of someone to boost my self-esteem. I had been ignored by the popular girls. Seriously these women cannot help being well-liked. They are beautiful, funny, outgoing....its just amazing, really. My mom, as only a mom can do outlined all my strengths and attributes right out for me there on the phone. Then she told me a story that I had never heard. When she was my age and a mother of three children under three, she and my dad joined a church. The women at the church were about to go on a women's conference and my dad wanted her to go. "You need a break", he said. "But I don't know anyone, " she said. "All the more reason to go," said my "everyone I meet is immediately my best friend" dad. She went, reluctantly, but she went. On the way down to the conference the group of women stopped at a fast food restaurant for dinner. As luck would have it, my mom ended up the first one with her food so she had the awkward task of deciding which table to sit at. She finally just picked one, sat down, and held her breath. The next lady to get her food sat down a couple tables away from her and then....one by one the other ladies joined the second lady until no one was left. Everyone together....except for my mom. She ate her entire meal sitting completely alone. I was so angry when she told me that. (not her goal in telling me this story, I'm sure) Though she didn't give me any names, I was I was pretty darn sure I could name a few. In fact, I think I'll email them and invite them to read my blog. (Not really ) I got off the phone with her with my heart now hurting for my mom rather that for myself. I began to pray and really listen for what God wanted to talk to me about in this situation. These are some things I took away from my talk with the Lord and they are things that I am trying instill deep in my heart and let pour out into my life.

Number 1. I should be 100% ok with sitting all by myself in a crowded room. If I am sure of who I am in Christ, then no matter what happens around me - it doesn't change who I know I am or God's purpose for me. This will overflow into other areas as well: like when I am criticized or praised, shunned or lathered with attention. What others say about me or how others treat me should not increase or decrease how I look at myself. The Lord's opinion of me is all that should really matter.

Number 2. When my mind is on myself, then I miss being able to be used by God to reach out to someone else. The day I felt left out - did I look around for someone else that felt the same way? No....I didn't. I was to absorbed in myself. How many other women might have left that day feeling the same way? Maybe only one other, but if I had been in-tune with the Lord, I might have walked out with a new friend and a much better attitude.

Number 3. And what about the times I've been on the other side of this story? How many times have I been so wrapped up in my life and my friends that I've missed opportunities to bless someone? How many times have I left someone at a table by themselves?

My mom and grandma have both told me that the older I get the less I will worry what other people think of me. This is good news to me! I had a lady tell me recently about the group of women she oversees in her ministry. She told me that the women that are over 50 are so much more pleasant to work with. They come in do their job with a cheerful attitude and then they go home. The younger women are DRAMA. Someone is always offended, or mad, or on some obvious self-promoting quest. As she was talking to me about this, I began to have a huge desire well up inside of me. I don't want to wait until I am 50 to know who I am and be confident enough to not let things offend me or hurt my feelings. I want to be Christ-like. Someone who serves, who blesses others, who loves the unlovely. I want to make my life count for things that matter. I want to grow up now and not waste the the next twenty years worried about what people think about me. How amazing would that kind of life be? I don't think that a life lived for someone besides myself will leave any regrets....but a life spent fretting over who likes me and who doesn't......no thank you! I know it in my heart....now I just need to live it!

older brother say it to ya straight

Preface: Camden went on a ride with Blake at Disney World that scared him pretty bad. It had a really fast/long drop. The ride was Expedition Everest. He said the first drop hurt his stomach like a one and the big dropped hurt his stomach like a 101. Sounds serious, huh? I wouldn't let Blake take him on anymore big rides after that.

Fast forward two weeks: Hope makes up songs all the time. Sunday night on the way to AWANAS she was singing a song about how she would not be afraid at AWANAS because she never had to be afraid because Jesus was always with her. After about two minutes of signing about not being afraid, Camden said to her, "Well, I'll tell you one thing: If you go on Expedition Everest you'll be as freaked out as a bunny."

Granny

My great-grandmother passed away this morning. I am trying to process a lot of thoughts right now, but the feeling I keep having above all is gratitude. Not many people ever meet their great-grandmother much less have her around for twenty-seven years of their life. When I was little she was the Granny that came at Christmas, made yummy food, and just made Christmas even more fun. She rode in an innertube behind the boat with me when I was nine and she was 73. When I got a little older she was my pen pal faithfully responding to every letter I wrote to her about what was going on in my pre-teen world. She cooked dinner for us every Thursday night for the year she lived in the same town as us. She told us story after story enriching our lives as we learned about generations before us and the lives they lived. She is a lady that I heard on several occasions praying out loud beside her bed at night. She loved her friends and family fiercely and had a joyful and peaceful disposition despite the tragedies and losses that she experienced in her life. She was an amazing woman that left a legacy that I am proud to walk in and hope to leave for my own children and grandchildren one day. A legacy of strength, inner and outer beauty, loyalty, and selfless love. She will be truly missed and dearly remembered.