Changes

I am trying to make some changes in myself these days. I came to the conclusion after a week of reflection that I was stuck in a rut. I had become lazy. Any part of my days that didn't go perfectly smooth made me feel deflated...tired.....ready for the next break. I came upon a blog on Saturday as I was looking for something to inspire me, to jump start me that did exactly those things.

I was remembering today a night in my dorm room at East Texas Baptist University. I was finishing up my freshmen year and had just received a letter that the grants I currently had, would not continue the following year. It was such a weird feeling sitting on the floor of my dorm room and realizing that I would not be able to afford to come back; hence my life plan sprouted wings and flew out the window. Yet, completely opposite of my personality, I felt an excitement rise up in me. I sat down at my roomate's computer and looked up the website of a Bible school that I had been hearing about from a friend for years. As I read over their website my heart literally began to beat faster and my hands started to shake. This school that I had heard about for years and never thought much about suddenly seemed like a huge "stop here" sign in the road map of my life. I did indeed "stop there" for three years of my life and I never doubted for a second that it was God's plan for me.

Jumping back to the present...as I read through this blog that I found on Saturday, I felt similar to how I felt the night I looked up Christ for the Nations Institute in my dorm room. A stirring from God that I was looking at my destiny. The author of this blog is a wife, a homeschool mom of seven, an incredible  photographer, amazingly creative, a take your breath away writer, and a passionate lover of God.  Seriously I don't ever want to meet her because she is my hero and I don't want to be disappointed! I read her thoughts and looked at her photos and was floored by the way she embraces her life and her family. Every day is an adventure, beauty is everywhere, hardships are opportunities, your kids are incredible treasures, and the day to day love affair with your husband puts the world's view of romance to great shame. I lay in my bed well after midnight surrendering to the Lord my life once again. I prayed and meditated on His word and listened to His nudging.  His nudging to listen more to my little boy, His nudging to serve my husband with joy, His nudging to have fun, His nudging to get rid of things in my life that have no meaning or purpose, His nudging to play in the rain, laugh at spilled milk, find my own style in my house, my clothes, my mothering, my "wife-ing", my teaching, my be-friending and forget about how it compares to anyone else. I want to be ME!!  I always thought I was being me, but its like God just came in dug a little, tossed a few things over his shoulder and then threw open a door and showed me a bunch more of me that I didn't know was there. Potential hidden by fear and insecurity. Potential hidden by laziness. Potential hidden by lack of faith. But I saw it - I saw a glimpse of the me that God wants me free to be. And I have faith that if God showed me - if He started it - He if faithful to complete it.


"being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  Philippians 1:6



I am going to work harder, play harder, laugh harder, love more expressively, pray more, and be crazy every once in awhile because this life is a gift, these two amazing kids are my miracles, and my husband is stinkin' adorable.