maturity

Several months ago, I called my mom in need of someone to boost my self-esteem. I had been ignored by the popular girls. Seriously these women cannot help being well-liked. They are beautiful, funny, outgoing....its just amazing, really. My mom, as only a mom can do outlined all my strengths and attributes right out for me there on the phone. Then she told me a story that I had never heard. When she was my age and a mother of three children under three, she and my dad joined a church. The women at the church were about to go on a women's conference and my dad wanted her to go. "You need a break", he said. "But I don't know anyone, " she said. "All the more reason to go," said my "everyone I meet is immediately my best friend" dad. She went, reluctantly, but she went. On the way down to the conference the group of women stopped at a fast food restaurant for dinner. As luck would have it, my mom ended up the first one with her food so she had the awkward task of deciding which table to sit at. She finally just picked one, sat down, and held her breath. The next lady to get her food sat down a couple tables away from her and then....one by one the other ladies joined the second lady until no one was left. Everyone together....except for my mom. She ate her entire meal sitting completely alone. I was so angry when she told me that. (not her goal in telling me this story, I'm sure) Though she didn't give me any names, I was I was pretty darn sure I could name a few. In fact, I think I'll email them and invite them to read my blog. (Not really ) I got off the phone with her with my heart now hurting for my mom rather that for myself. I began to pray and really listen for what God wanted to talk to me about in this situation. These are some things I took away from my talk with the Lord and they are things that I am trying instill deep in my heart and let pour out into my life.

Number 1. I should be 100% ok with sitting all by myself in a crowded room. If I am sure of who I am in Christ, then no matter what happens around me - it doesn't change who I know I am or God's purpose for me. This will overflow into other areas as well: like when I am criticized or praised, shunned or lathered with attention. What others say about me or how others treat me should not increase or decrease how I look at myself. The Lord's opinion of me is all that should really matter.

Number 2. When my mind is on myself, then I miss being able to be used by God to reach out to someone else. The day I felt left out - did I look around for someone else that felt the same way? No....I didn't. I was to absorbed in myself. How many other women might have left that day feeling the same way? Maybe only one other, but if I had been in-tune with the Lord, I might have walked out with a new friend and a much better attitude.

Number 3. And what about the times I've been on the other side of this story? How many times have I been so wrapped up in my life and my friends that I've missed opportunities to bless someone? How many times have I left someone at a table by themselves?

My mom and grandma have both told me that the older I get the less I will worry what other people think of me. This is good news to me! I had a lady tell me recently about the group of women she oversees in her ministry. She told me that the women that are over 50 are so much more pleasant to work with. They come in do their job with a cheerful attitude and then they go home. The younger women are DRAMA. Someone is always offended, or mad, or on some obvious self-promoting quest. As she was talking to me about this, I began to have a huge desire well up inside of me. I don't want to wait until I am 50 to know who I am and be confident enough to not let things offend me or hurt my feelings. I want to be Christ-like. Someone who serves, who blesses others, who loves the unlovely. I want to make my life count for things that matter. I want to grow up now and not waste the the next twenty years worried about what people think about me. How amazing would that kind of life be? I don't think that a life lived for someone besides myself will leave any regrets....but a life spent fretting over who likes me and who doesn't......no thank you! I know it in my heart....now I just need to live it!