Things I miss about DFW

1. My house, My house, My house. Oh how I miss my house. I try hard not to think about it.
2. More tv channels. Our antennae picked up about 15 channels while we lived in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. Here it will only pick up two English-speaking channels. Its NBC and CBS but they show different things here than they did in DFW. Not liking that so much.
3.A computer. Blake is having to use our home computer in his office so we do not have a computer at home. I am SO ready for him to get a work computer so we can have our computer back.
4.A neighborhood to walk in with nice sidewalks. We don't really live in a neighborhood and I don't feel particularly safe walking around where we live. I REALLY miss our neighborhood and I'm sure my heart misses getting a cardio workout.

Things I love about Brownsville

1. It takes Blake 5 minutes to get to work and back. That gives us approximately 3.5 extra hours with him a week than we had before.
2. Blake gets like one work phone call a week when he is at home. This is compared to like 10 a night that he had before.
3.I don't feel like I have to go all out fixing myself up. It is much more laid back....living near the coast plus on the border contributes to that. Shorts, tshirt, flip flops and a pony tail and I fit right it! Love it!
4. We are at least 5 degrees cooler that the rest of the valley here in Brownsville. I have no idea why, I think because we are so close to the ocean maybe.... Also the evenings cool off. In Fort Worth it was hot even after dark...but come 6:30 here the breeze starts blowing off the coast and it feels so great outside.
5. The ocean - I love it. I hope that I never get used to it. When I am at the beach looking out over the ocean I am slammed with how big God is and how beautiful He is and yet at the same time I feel so close to Him...like he's sitting on the sand beside me enjoying His beauty with me.
6.I am being social!!! When we went to Gateway, I knew that it was not a place that I would be at for an extended time. I didn't spend a lot of effort making friends or putting myself out there. When I got to Brownsville, I threw myself into this church and its people from day one - actually before day one. Since coming here, I hug more, I smile more, I listen more. We have people over, and go places with people. I talk on the phone now! Big change! I I have more love in my heart than I ever thought possible. And I am having so much fun and feel so incredibly blessed.
7. Working with the youth. When we went to Gateway, Blake and I knew that it would be a place that God would build our character. For that reason, I put up a lot of walls and didn't let many people get too close, especially people from church. I knew character building could be rough and I wasn't sure I wanted an audience watching me learn the hard lessons....prideful much?? The few times I felt like I really put myself out there it resulted in a few unsuccessful and a couple of humiliating experiences. There were many times that I felt horrible about myself, and wondered if I even had anything inside of me left that God could use for His glory. But God was so good to me. He reminded me in that secret place of just him and I who I was and to not give up on the dreams he had placed in my heart. He also taught me in those quiet times with him that when he brought me back into a place where I would get to minister and lead that I must not let peoples' praise make me think higher of myself that I should just as he was teaching me not to allow failure to make me think less of myself than I should. I came to this town and this church knowing that I was going to have a chance to live out my passions and I have....It has been amazing, but I remind myself every day where I was just three months ago and plead with my Jesus to give me mercy for I know that I am only here because of Him. And my only desire is to glorify Him. Every word that comes out of my mouth has the power to bring others closer to Him if my heart, my pride, and my will is Christ-centered. I HAVE to have Him. I know it more now that I ever have before.

There is more - But I have to go be social!! Woohoo!!

His Grace is SO Much More that Enough!!

Of all the best wishes and wisdom given to me before I left, there were two that stood out to me. Two women at two different times looked me in the eyes and with a tone of "this is from the Lord" said to me, "God will give you the grace that you need in your new place." It was almost eery how identically they said this to me. I was not thrilled with this "bit of advice". A need for grace means....I will be facing things that won't be easy, right? I imagined all the reasons I might need God's grace and tried to be grateful that the Lord was already showing me through these two women that I would have grace to...survive.

Well here I am after ten days in Brownsville and without a doubt I have needed God's grace. The thing is, however, that I was oh so wrong about His grace. His grace is not about just surviving. Its about lifting us above our challenges, our "moments", our fears and, our disappointments, and filling us with joy, peace, excitement, and inspiration. I can't tell you how many times in the past ten days, the Lord has, sometimes in a matter of minutes, changed me on the inside: my expectations, my preconceived notions, and my cultural ideas of how things are "supposed to be". There have been situations arise that I've thought, "Oh no this is NOT good." And then twenty minutes later my viewpoint has turned 180 degrees. He has stuck His pointer finger in my heart and said, "Hey see that....oops....are you a snob?" And I've responded, "Oh, my, surely that can't be! Snobbery disgusts me! But gosh darn that is pretty nasty!" And I've felt Him dig it out and suddenly my surroundings look beautiful and full of life and I feel like dancing and hugging people.

Today was probably my hardest day. I was tired, I was hot, I was stressed, I was worried, and I was grumpy! As I drove home from the store I asked the Lord, "Where is all that grace Lord?" And He whispered to me, "Hold on.....it is there. Just because you can't feel it at the moment doesn't mean its not there." I turned up the New Life Worship CD and I suddenly felt God's presence all over me. He didn't give me a miraculous change of viewpoint this time, but He gave me something better....He gave me Himself. I ran over a curb turning a corner because I could barely see through my tears. Tears from a heart in love with my Gracious Savior who I will never have figured out and who chases after me sometimes and sometimes sits back and waits for me to come after HIm. I will not let go, Lord. Where else can I go? I have tasted and I have seen and I am hooked..... You are mine and I am your's...wrapped in your most amazing grace.

My favorite song right now and an awesome testimony!

Moving

Blake accepted a job as worship and youth pastor in Brownsville, Texas. We are moving May 30th and his first day is June 1st. I wrote a blog below with a few more details in MANY more words!!

About to GO!

I was in North Central Mexico up in the mountains in a small town called Aquismon. I was there visiting missionaries with a group of 4th-12th grade girls from my church. We were staying in dorms at a Bible school set up by the missionaries. They had also set up a clinic on the same property. One morning I was sitting by myself towards the front of the property looking out at the mountains and at the line of people waiting to get inside of the clinic. Mostly poor Indian people who had traveled for hours to get there hoping that this place would be the answer to their suffering. Bare feet, dirty clothes, crying children, festering sores, looks of pain and desperation. My eleven year old eyes saw so much and my heart felt even more. I was changed in that moment. Changed forever. I felt this certainty deep within me that my destiny was somehow connected to these people. I went back two more times in the next three years. Once with my family when I was thirteen and again with the girls' group at my church when I was fourteen. I remember sitting in a hotel room back in Texas after that last trip as our leaders lead us in a time of sharing and prayer before we left for home the next morning. Most of the girls were crying and saying pretty much the same thing....."I just feel so awful that those people live in such poverty." "I am so grateful for all that we have." "I wish I could just bring all those people here to live where we do." I sat in silence trying to mask my face from showing any emotion. I was almost angry with the girls. I felt different than they did, but I had no idea how to express what I was feeling. I didn't even know for sure myself what I was thinking! All I knew as that I did NOT want to drag all those people to live in my world. I thought their world was beautiful. I thought they were beautiful. In many ways, I admired their way of life. Of course, my heart hurt for their poverty, for their sickness, for their lost souls. But I did not feel as much like they were missing out on my world not being able to come with me as I was missing out on their world leaving them. For the next four summers I did child evangelism work in my area. Along with other teenagers we did Bible clubs in neighborhoods, apartment complexes, trailer parks, and day cares. I loved it. My heart was full. About half of the places that we went were among the "lower class." The children were not usually clean, wore torn clothes that didn't fit, often had runny noses and coughs and more importantly had the biggest most beautiful smiles of anyone I've ever met. This is where I would share the Bible lessons with a passion that came from down deep in my heart. These were the places that I would leave at the end of a week with tears in my eyes and an aching heart. I knew without a doubt that my future was not the "American dream" life. I wanted to be in full time ministry. I wanted to give my time, my comfort, and and my life to pour out the love of God on those who were truly hungry for it. Our years at CFNI were just fuel for the flame. I was so stirred up. I felt ready!

After we were done at CFNI, Blake was offered the audio director position at Gateway. Blake knew we were supposed to go, but I didn't want to. Southlake.....the richest city in Texas......God...are you kidding me? This is SOOOO not what you've put in my heart. Yet, He is so wise. We have learned so much. This has been a six year character building school! Blake was 21 when we came here. He was my favorite person and had been since I was fifteen, but God was about to show me something pretty great! I have seen him meet several challenging situations while at Gateway and watched him walk through them with such humility and grace. I have seen a maturity come from within him and a strength come upon him as he's thrown himself at God when things got hard to handle. I have sat back and been amazed by him over and over. When we came to Gateway he was my partner in life but honestly I thought I was the smarter one. Now, I have a spiritual leader in my life who I trust to hear God, to be patient, to be full of mercy, to be my calm when things look crazy. This has been the greatest part of the past six years.....falling in love with the man that was the boy that I was already in love with. Besides that, though, we have been so incredibly blessed by Gateway church. It was so great to be at place that has provided for us financially and more important spiritually. We have listened to Pastor Robert with a panting spirit. We have worshiped under amazingly talented worship pastors and been under the authority of a group of elders who listen to the heart of God and obey! We are so incredibly grateful.

Last month we were invited by the elders and pastor of a church in Brownsville to come talk with them and lead worship for them. They were looking for someone to be their worship and youth pastor. Blake and I spent an unbelievable weekend visiting with the elders and their wives, the pastor, the worship team, the youth group and other leaders in the church. We felt an incredible peace the whole time we were there. It was almost surreal for me to go downtown and see the Mexico border! God, you are so incredible! For the past six years, I have wondered many times if I had dreamed up in my own head all the things I thought God had showed me as a teenager. But as I drove around this town full of Mexican people and talked with the incredible leadership at this church who are encouraging me to come along side Blake and use my gifts as well, I had to laugh out loud with an overflowing joy! God, you have not forgotten!!!!!!! I feel like I have been at the starting line for the past six years waiting on God to blow the whistle and there have been times I've gotten tired of waiting and tried to start before God and he's blown the whistle and said, "No-way girlie, its not your time yet!" And now I feel like I see him putting the whistle up to his mouth with a twinkle in his eye looking at me and saying, "Ok, its about your turn so get ready!" I have to admit, there have been a couple of times in the past few weeks that I've thought just for a minute, "Wait, maybe I like it here at the starting line. Its kind of comfy!" But then I slap myself, "What are you thinking!!" "This is what you've been waiting on." There have also been times that I have been hit with incredible doubt. What makes us think we are up to this challenge? We've never even worked with youth before. All I've done in the past six years is take care of my babies! One night as I was getting ready for bed and struggling with these thoughts I felt God told me to read 1 Corinthians 1&2. I had no idea what it said, but when I got in bed and read it my heart started beating fast and I knew these were my verses. The verses I will lean on as I move, the verses I will dwell on as I get to pour out what God has been putting in my heart these years of waiting, the verses I will not foget when I have times of victory and the verses I will chose to believe in the times I fail. I love God's Word to me. Through this experience I have been so full of emotion that I feel like I can't even hear from God when I pray, but time after time He has spoken to me through his scripture. Here is His word that I am claiming for this new adventure in our lives!

1 Corinthians 1:25-2:5

For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.
When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.

these kids......

The kids came in from playing this afternoon and Camden plopped down on the couch beside me. I said, "I smell feet." He stuck one of his feet up in my face to smell. "No, thank you," I said. So he pulled it up to his face and sniffed. "Does it smell like dirty boy?" he said. I told him yes it does. He said, "Yep, then its me."

We got home this evening from walking/riding bikes around the neighborhood. It felt really stuffy when we came in the house, and Camden immediately took off his shirt. Hope asked us if she could take her shirt off too. Since they were about to take a bath anyway, Blake told her she could and pulled it off for her. She looked down at her stomach, patted it, and then looked up at Blake and said, "Lets wrestle!"